On June 4th my mom came over with my dad to drop off our kids. She came in slowly and immediately laid down on the couch. She was very tired. Her belly started moving left and right, it looked like a baby was constantly kicking. Concerned, I had my other family members look and they thought something was wrong too. It was not just normal breathing. Then when she got up, she lost her balance a little bit and her speech didn't make sense all the time, so we encouraged her to go to the emergency room. I thought she'd be in and out with a diagnosis. Boy, was I wrong. She had an infection in the heart that had attached itself to 2 of her heart valves, one of which was replaced four years ago.
She needed to be transported from one hospital to another one that had the specializations to be able to handle her case. The staff had to get the infection taken care of before being able to safely operate and that took a couple weeks. Then she had to have open heart surgery to replace two valves and the wall in between which is a surgery that was only done once by one of her surgeons. There were many risks with the surgery; stroke, kidney dialysis, bleeding, death but surely death if she did nothing. I had to get used to the fact that my mom might die or have significant quality-of-life altering things after the surgery. How do you get used to this? I don't have the answer.
The surgery day came and, after what seemed like a very long time, ended, but not without complications. The surgeon couldn’t stop the bleeding. The solution was to apply pressure with gauze to see if the body would clot. The next day they went in again and successfully removed the gauze. It was still a waiting game after the surgeries. Even the surgeon didn't know if the risks were going to be realized. But she was good! I knew God still had plans for her. She recovered in the hospital and then continued recovery at rehab and then continued recovery at her apartment. She was in the hospital system for 6 weeks, with months of follow up appointments afterwards.
Despite all of this, I was singing and will forever sing the praises of God's glory, His timing and His plan. My mom wasn't even supposed to be in Austin. She was planning on being in Illinois for the summer, but other things had unexpectedly kept her here and now her summer plans had suddenly and drastically changed. It turns out that the Austin hospital is one of the few in the country that does this kind of operation. It even turns out that the surgeon’s father may have helped in my mom’s heart surgery when she was 6!
I’m thankful that she's alive, that I was able to visit her almost every day in the hospital, and that the doctors listened to her and tried to find solutions, when her problems were previously ignored or counted as unsolvable. Now she's doing great, waiting for her balance to completely return and trying to take it slower than pre-surgery. Praise God!
I can learn from my kids and I can learn from my mom. Here are some things that I've learned from her.
Always connect with others around you and point them to Jesus.
My mom, like so many others, could have been cranky to every nurse that came in her room. Instead, my mom connected with almost every nurse she saw, made jokes with them, and asked many of them what their superpower was. Not many had answers but one said squeezing into tight spaces between medical equipment. One person asked her what hers was and she said seeing God and being grateful. What great superpowers!
Trust that God is enough even when you're going through hard circumstances.
You could tell my mom and dad were understandably upset and frustrated by the news that kept getting worse and worse. God revealed His presence to them and they decided to continue to trust in God. The Lord's prayer was specifically meaningful to my mom during this hard time. The hospital Chaplain even came to pray it over her when she couldn’t remember it from the hospital fog. She wouldn’t let my dad or I leave for the day without praying. She learned that she needed God more than physical comfort (even though this was very hard to let go of) and displayed that for others to see.
When you're going through hard circumstances, lean on others around you and look for the helpers.
It can be so hard to go through tough things alone. God created community for a reason. To help lift you up when you feel like everything is going down. How do you help someone who's going through a time where it's ok to not be ok? You send gifts and prayers, even if you just met the person or even just know their daughter. I saw my dad support my mom during the long hospital days. He wrote about it every day through his devotions in June and part of July of 2021. As a part of my visit almost every day I would write on a thankful list on her wall so she, I, and everyone who saw it could remember that not everything was bad. It ended up being a page and a half pre-surgery, a page and half post-surgery, and a page and a half at rehab. I’d write down and celebrate any little thing she said was actually good. Seeing family, being able to stomach food, a foot rub, meeting a great person, pictures and drawings from her grandsons. You really know you're loved when a short-attention-span 4 year old spends an hour coloring just for you.
Always look for what God's trying to teach you in a situation.
I was so blessed to hear from my mom about how she was planning and actively being a better friend and just thinking and making plans for doing things differently when she got out of the hospital. There's nothing like a near death experience to open up the doors to better ideas and deeper conversation, although it'd be nice if that kind of experience wasn't the key to those doors.
I had to be okay with her not being here. She doesn't belong to me. God's plan is best. It's a hard lesson.
How can I pass on these lessons I’ve learned to my kids? How can I help guide them to being godly in the midst of extremely hard situations? How can I know how to answer my 4 year old when he asks why these things are happening?
Know the Word. Pray. Be in community. Repeat.
These things will help create an environment for them, a safe place for their hearts to land. Let them see what it looks like to keep asking questions, to not give up and to not focus on the bad, and to trust that God’s plan is bigger and better.
While my mom was in the hospital I told her a story of how J (2 years old) slipped on a small puddle on our back porch and I told him to go slow when you’re walking on water. Mom will have to physically go slow for a while on her mission for God’s kingdom, but this isn’t stopping her from seeing how she can love and serve and bless all of those around her. Just like the Biblical example of Peter walking on water to get to Jesus, she’s radically, courageously jumping in to follow after Jesus. I can learn from her. My sons can learn from her.
God,
Help me continue learning these important lessons and give me wisdom on how to pass them on to my kids. May my mom’s life and those connected to her be forever transformed for the better by this experience.
Amen.