When Peace Felt Far Away: Rebuilding Shalem Cottage

He sank into the red zone and refused to climb out.

One day recently, our oldest son, our 8-year-old became so dis-regulated that our home felt unsafe, un-fun, and unloving. It got to the point where Daddy came home from work early, and we felt desperate to try something—anything—to get our family back on track with the values we hold dear.

Our home wasn’t living up to its nickname we had given it: “Shalem Cottage”—the cottage of peace.

Something needed to change.

Seeds of Hope

Thankfully, we’re surrounded by people and communities rooted in Christ, and seeds of ideas had already been planted in our hearts for how we might get back to the family and home we long for.

Step 1: A Family Vision Statement

Our first course of action was to instill a family vision statement (pictured below). An elder had spoken at our church about how he had created a vision statement for his family and the positive affect it had. We decided to start filtering everything through this statement that I came up with on a personal retreat a couple years ago:

• Is the game they’re playing safe, fun, and loving? 

  → Carry on!

  
  

• Are their words like verbal bullets aimed at someone’s heart? 

  → That needs to stop—and healthy habits need to be built.

  
  

• Do the activities we choose to do together reflect what we say our family values? 

  → If not, why are we doing them?

The vision statement gave us a much-needed compass.

Step 2: Redefining Play and Priorities

Our second idea was to declutter the toy room—especially getting rid of weapons. Some of those toys might still come out for family or friend games on weekends. I’m not trying to take away everything they think is fun—I just want them to play responsibly and not be consumed by violent play, because that's what comes out when they're angry. 

We also committed to starting more meaningful family activities:

• Trips to the park

• Visits to a Nerf gun arena (with structure and safety)

• Helping with dinner prep

• More read-alouds

• Family spelling bees

• Family Scripture memory

• Wrestling

• Giggles—lots of giggles

Life had gotten busy, and we had strayed from what we truly value. This was our way back.

Step 3: Late Night Conversations

Our third step was to start Late Night Conversations—a weekly chat between our oldest son and us, his parents.

The goal? To prepare him for the world he’s growing up in and to give him a space for real, uninterrupted conversation about anything and everything. No judgment, no distractions. Just connection.

Looking Back, Moving Forward

It took a difficult and dis-regulating event to wake us up—to help us realize we weren’t focusing on the values we wanted our family to be rooted in. But even in the chaos, God was gently guiding us back.

Any good change in our home and hearts is through Him and because of Him.

Shalem Cottage is slowly becoming a place of peace again—and we’re learning that peace takes intentionality, surrender, and a whole lot of grace.