Do you find yourself in one or more of the following sentences?
I work outside the home and feel guilty about not being there enough for my kids.
I stay at home and feel guilty about not doing enough for the world, for not using my gifts and experiences for anything outside the home.
I yell at my kids more than I'd like to admit.
I feel overwhelmed more than I'd like to admit.
I feel invisible. No one notices how much I do around here.
I make different parenting choices than my friends and I feel ashamed for it.
I'm in so much pain I can't even begin to know how to take care of little ones well.
I feel like I don't know what I'm doing more often than not.
I carry baggage from my own unresolved childhood issues and am afraid I will say things I don’t want to say and pass that baggage onto my kids. My kids trigger my scars and they mirror what I do.
My poor choices or past choices/experiences will negatively affect my kids the rest of their lives.
I feel like I’m doing everything wrong.
These are real thoughts and hang-ups that I’ve heard from mom friends and some from myself. If any of them resonated with you, can I assure you and myself of something? You aren't alone and God sees you. He sees all of you. He knows all of you, even those broken bits hidden deep. He loves you when what you do seems right. He loves you when what you do seems wrong. He loves you in a real, ever-lasting kind of way that no human is capable of expressing fully, so if you didn't have a good example of love in your life, don't let that stop you from feeling God's Love. You don't have to do anything to earn this love or to earn your worthiness in His eyes. He doesn't skip over you because of your brokenness.
Rest in this amazing truth. Let it change your daily life. Repeat, "God sees me" to yourself every morning and every time you think you've messed up. God uses broken people to love and serve others with abandon so don't let those cracks and shards in your heart stop you from being the hands of Jesus.
Rest and peace can be found in Him and our reward is in heaven. Let's believe that that reward is good enough and not seek anything but Him here on earth. Let's teach that to our kids through our words and priority placement.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
I heard somewhere that guilt is when you feel you've done something wrong and shame is when you feel like you are something wrong. Ask for forgiveness when needed and remember who you are in Christ. Are you ready to be freed from the feelings of guilt and shame? Pray that God ease your burdens. Sometimes it takes asking Him, again and again, to lighten that massive feeling on your shoulders. Ask to see things from His perspective. He may not erase your trials, only He knows what they are even there for in the first place, but He will be right by your side if you ask Him to be. When He is with us the burden isn't as heavy as it once was.
Do you really want to be free? If someone were to look into your life would they see the signs of someone trying to get better, to put Jesus first? Do you complain or vent about your woes more than you lift them up to God? Do you truly believe He can carry your burdens? Show it. Pray for Him to give you more faith in what He can do. Pray for Him to give you a spirit of wanting to be changed and healed and for the wisdom on how to do it. Never stop crying out to Him and leaning on Him.
Being broken is hard. God doesn't promise an easy life. When God brings you to a stage of healing, don't feel like you need to forget your broken past. Instead, use it. Maybe someone else is going through the same thing and you can be a light to that person. Maybe your past will help you understand others better or inspire you to be kind. Ask God for wisdom on how to move forward and for Him to put in your path a way to use your brokenness.
It may hurt to hear this but our kids are broken and will break. But, we can help teach them to put on the armor of Christ for when they go through the fire. Let's teach them to lay their own burdens at Jesus' feet because we all know we are not strong enough or around enough to heal every single physical and emotional boo boo our kids have for the rest of their lives, as much as we might want to. Let them see that we react differently to trials because of Jesus being in our lives. We're called to be different from non-believers.
Let's see our unusual nature as a testimony to who we are in Jesus. Let's constantly say, "God, give me peace about this feeling/situation/thought. Let me see Your hands at work and fill me with Your truth."
Let's give our endless worries to God and let others see the peace we get from God after asking for it and seeking it out. Let this come through in your parenting choices. Seek God’s peace for the millions of concerns that come with parenting. Look to the Bible for parenting tips. God is an experienced parent.
Let's embrace, through Jesus, living differently, making choices that are right for us, even if they go against what society tells us. Let's live out the freeing fact that we are loved no matter what our past pains are, no matter what our present mistakes look like, and no matter what our future holds. Let’s speak out against mom guilt. When it rears its ugly head, demand that it go back to the dark hole it came from. Literally. Literally, verbally, call out the lies that it brings up. Tell it there’s a new boss and His name is Jesus.
I always like to think about how I can apply what God is teaching me. So, what do you think? What can we do with the idea of God using our brokenness rather than letting it daily crush our souls? Here's what's popping into my head.
Humbly admit to yourself and others what you’re going through. Own it. Remember that everyone is broken in some way. Who knows who hearing your story could help?
Be honest with our kids when we mess up or need help. Let them see what we do with that so they can learn what to do with it when it happens to them.
Help or be a shoulder for someone going through the breaking you’ve gone through.
Get into a group, study, or book/podcast discussion that can help pour truth into you. Perhaps start with the Bible and the book, The Dream of You by Jo Saxton.
Ask your spouse and kids to pray for you. In your weakness and vulnerability, God is made strong.
Spend the majority of your time praying that God set you free from the chains and lies that bind your soul. I’m serious - the majority of your day. Pray when getting up, while sitting down, while changing those diapers, while washing those dishes, after the kids go to sleep. Put down the books, the movies, social media, the obligations and call out to Him. See how He shows up. Don’t feel any different? Lies too deeply rooted? Keep praying. Have me or other friends join in prayer with you. Believe in Jesus’ power to heal and transform and that His timeline and will is best. Ask Him what He's trying to teach you.
Go to a counselor and do not be ashamed to ask for help, even for what might seem little or if you think you should be over it by now. Everyone needs help at some point. Praying for a mentor would be good too. Even praying to be a mentor might be helpful.
Write down the lies you tell yourself. Next to it write down what God would say- what His truth is. Do this every time another lie goes through your head or when that same lie returns again and again. God calls us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Are you loving yourself and giving yourself Grace?
Dive deep into studying what Matthew 11:28-30 really means.
Read The Lies We Believe by Dr. Chris Thurman.
In summary, I think it's important to remember that brokenness is real. It’s alive. And it’s on the attack. You can see it destroying relationships, messing up habits, and darkening your heart. It doesn’t have to be that way! Each day, each moment, will you take part in the Game-changer’s plan of action? Will you let light take over your thoughts, words, and actions? Will you face out to see the hearts of others or be overtaken by your own desires? Will the cracks get bigger and more broken or will the cracks be filled with gold and become a vessel that can be seen as even more beautiful than it was before? Let's be imperfectly beautiful. Together.
Lord, give us creativity to perhaps live life differently than those around us. I pray those around us are drawn to You by our actions and words. Encourage us, Lord, refresh our spirits. Give us Your perspective and show us how to apply what You've written on our hearts. May we feel Your love more and more. Erase our own definitions of what we think love means and replace it with your truth.
Amen.
What are you struggling with? Would you be open to letting me know? Maybe I'm struggling with the same thing or maybe the Holy Spirit might give me insight for you. God wants us to thrive. Would you let me pray for you?
If you would prefer a more private communication, my email address is mannafor2@gmail.com.