J (1 year old) is at a stage where we say “No!” at him a lot. Whether it’s sprinting (I’m continually amazed how he can zoom even when crawling) for a room he’s not allowed in when I just open the door for a second or climbing on or grabbing things he shouldn’t for safety reasons. Sometimes I’m concerned he’ll think his name is “No”. He does understand enough to look back at us when we say it, but the temptation to explore is just too huge. Our goal is to tell him “no” gently, but it often comes out more loud than gentle, either because he’s doing something again, or because there’s a bunch of other things going on at the same time.
M (almost 4) has started saying “no” to J as well. Often not in a gentle way. It makes me ponder the ways God says “yes” or “no” to us. God often talks to me in a gentle whisper so I need to keep my eyes and ears open to His voice. I try to tell the boys that when I say “no” it’s because I’m bigger and know more than them and I want to keep them safe. I can put that same picture on God - He is bigger, more powerful, and more knowledgeable than us, so it’s best to listen when He tells us something.
The other day I asked M to say “Yes” to J more than he said “No”. I told him I would try to do the same thing. I wanted to promote a more gentle, loving attitude in our home. We’d try to say “Yes, J, good job walking!” (a recent skill of his) or “Yes, J, that’s how you play with those toys!” It didn’t really seem to work much that day, but we’ll keep working on it.
My dad once told me, as an adult, that my parent’s parenting style had been to say “Yes” as much as possible. It’s certainly a style that can open up experiences and learning in a personal way. As my boys get older I can try to do this even more. Now, at such a young age, I can still do it in a guided, safe way. Does J want to explore a room he’s not allowed in? Perhaps I can stop what I’m doing and take a minute to explore it with him. Do the boys want to touch something that looks interesting to them? Perhaps I can hold it so they can touch it or get a good look at it. So much is kept from them since they are so young and little. Why not ignite their curiosity and wonder rather than squelching it? Who knows, they might learn something and this might give them a good start in having an “awe and wonder” kind of attitude towards God as well.
Manna:
Have open eyes for when you can actually say yes, it may require compromise and/or self sacrifice
Take the time to explain why you say things to your children to broaden their understanding
Rather than saying “no” to the One who knows better than me, I try to say “Yes!” to God when He asks me to do something. Unfortunately, I don't always say "yes" but when I do, it requires a willing spirit to be listening for what He says. What He asks me to do can often be uncomfortable in the moment, but can feel so rewarding afterwards. I don’t hear His voice audibly, but the more time I spend with the Holy Spirit and the more I learn from the Bible the more I feel His direction in my thoughts.
Some of the ways I’ve said “yes” have involved lending our new car to a friend in need, helping friends through traumatic experiences, leading a ministry at church with my husband, and writing this blog. Would I have said “yes” without the goal of loving in mind and without Christ-like guidance from close friends? I hate to even explore that answer because I’m afraid of what the answer would be and what I would have lost out on. By holding my own plans loosely and saying “yes” to God’s plans instead of “not right now” or “not me” or straight up “no”, my faith has grown stronger, my Christian example has grown stronger, I’ve learned how to help better, I’ve gotten great stories, and I feel a step closer to being like Jesus. Of course, I still have a long way to go and a lot of “yeses” to say.
I pray my parenting style and my Christian walk can be full of me shouting “yes” because I know how the universe works. I know that God uses broken people. I know God has got this. I know He has already won. Everyday, every minute, I need to remind myself of His vision for me: To love and serve unconditionally to the best of my ability, until the very end. Time is ticking away, you and I don’t know how long we have left in this current position in life or in this world. I’m on a mission. I’m focused on putting people at the feet of Jesus. He’s the only True Hope. What is your focus?
Lord,
May we say “Yes!” to what You have planned for us, whether it be good things or trials to help us grow. Show us how, give us courage to do what You ask and the wisdom to see that it is the best way. Holy Spirit, guide us in the moment. Show our kids how to say “Yes!” through them seeing that attitude in us.
Amen.