“You never do things for me!”
“I’ll never do what you said!”
“I’ll never go there!”
M (5 years old) has started angrily saying the word “never” when he’s upset about something. The way he uses the word drives me crazy! My blood instantly boils when I hear him say it. His oppositional spirit may drive me crazy, but he’ll never lose my love.
What do I do with the irritation though? Do I let it simmer under the surface, do I let it out like a lion’s roar, or do I do something about it to turn it from a “nails on a chalkboard” moment to a “we’re working on this together” moment?
I hope I choose the latter instead of letting the word have power it doesn’t deserve.
To make this a training moment, I need to reflect on why I don’t like it. Why does this one word bother me to no end while other words don’t?
I think it’s the heart behind it. It feels like a curse on himself rather than a blessing. It seems like he’s putting a limit on what God can do. For example, if he says he will never do something or I will never do something, what if God will use that “something” to grow us or make life better? When M says “never” with an angry tint to his voice, it makes me want to help him get that ugliness out of his heart, with Jesus’ power and help.
A conversation about giving thanks and praying continually inspired me to pray boldly about this issue. Why not go to God first with what’s bothering me? He created us and loves both of us. And He is the only One who can do anything to change the situation, or our hearts.
So I will pray.
I will pray that God softens my heart so I can teach my son well without being repelled by a simple word. I will pray for protection for M from the word, “never”, and for M to have a heart that wants to follow God’s ways in the way he speaks.
How can I teach my son about God’s ways through this? Our family has been talking about the armor of God this summer and one week we drew belts of truth on a picture of our family and discussed what the belt of truth could mean in our lives. I can teach M that one of God’s truths is that, with the Holy Spirit’s help, we can be slow to anger and quick to listen to each other. I can show M that I’m trying to follow God’s ways too by telling him I’m trying to understand him by thinking about why he might be upset in the first place, maybe the cause of his frustration is actually something hidden under the surface. I can tell M why I don’t like him using the word the way he uses it - that I know he can be more creative with his word choices, that he can choose to fill the space around him with kindness and peace. That he can ask God to create an environment in his head and heart that is open to all possibilities God has for him. May the power of God be what has precedence in his life and in mine.
Lord,
Help M and I put on the belt of truth, be slow to anger, and quick to listen to each other. Help us truly hear what the other is saying and feeling to help each other become more like Jesus. Help us speak to each other in a loving and patient way, with truth, even when we’re frustrated with each other. Help me parent like You do!
Amen.