My 7 and 4 year olds get along great! They have a constant buddy to help them feel comfortable in new situations, a partner in crime, and always someone to play with. The 4 year old gets along great with the 7 year old’s friends and even knows how to unpack his brother's backpack at school. Everything's great with them….until it's not. Which, surprisingly, seems like a shock to those who only see our boys outside the home, calmly and quietly obeying. In the comfort of their own home a different side is shown. When that special Lego creation gets broken, when one says it's MY turn for that toy, when one doesn't get the attention he thinks he deserves. That's when the screaming, crying, and hitting happens between these two boys who love each other. And that's when it seems like everything stops until the world inside their home and hearts is made right again and that love looks like real love again. At least that's how our family does it. We choose to care more about the condition of our loved ones' hearts than about clean floors and finished homework. (Even though I would love for those things to get done!) Life for me lately seems to be trying many different techniques for mediation because the same one doesn't work all the time. Separating seems to work well with the two stories our house has, unless they both want to be on the same floor, because….Legos. The breathing technique of smelling the flower and blowing out the candle didn't catch on, at least not yet. The emotions chart and anger levels paper are hung up in a closet, always out of our reach when we need them. And sometimes there's that added complication of Mamo being angry at their unkindness towards each other too. When Mamo has her mind and heart rested in Jesus, creative ideas from the Mediator come more readily to my mind. He shifts my mindset to one of life right now being about developing their character rather than about just getting through the day. I try different things to help get their minds back to a place where reconciliation can happen. A fun snack in a fun location. A chase around the house. A walk around the neighborhood. A cuddle and a book with Mamo. Another time, I showed them a short video that I had recently seen while scrolling on my phone. I usually keep my bad habit of scrolling private but this one was too good not to share. It's a man describing how he'd like people to communicate with him this year. “Be kind or be quiet” has become a phrase we use frequently lately. When the boys first saw the video they were more enamored with the fruit the man was eating. Now they both often respond with, “I'll be quiet!” I'll take quiet over unkindness any day. Quiet gives a chance for heart rates to settle down, for young minds to reset, and for God to remind how to love better. Until the next argument, but thankfully, God doesn't give up on my kids and I won't either.
God,
Thank you for making each day a new day, with new chances to love better. Thank you for not giving up on my kids when they are unkind. Please show my kids what Your love looks like and help them understand that Your love never stops. Help them be imitators of You. Fill my mind with patience and ideas on how to help them love well. Help my kids love You, love others, and love their world.
Amen.